So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
