Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
