wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
