How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You should frame my arrest warrant.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
