I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
