I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
