Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
