I accidentally had phone sex last night
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
