I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
