dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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