I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
