Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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