So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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