worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
