Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
my sisters under your porch take her home
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
