Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
