In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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