I'd wear matching sweaters with you
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You're like the curious george of whores
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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