Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
