if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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