your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
