Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
