Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
