how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
