you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
