I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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