he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
