...so i touched it.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
