so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
