i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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