No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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