I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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