I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
