Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
