He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
