So drunk its hurt
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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