You're so nebulous sometimes
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
