We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
