its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
