well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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