gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
