the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
