Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
