I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
