she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
