genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
