It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
