Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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