i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
