She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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