hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
