i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
